I find myself at an unusual crossroads currently, and today the universe presented me with the journal entry of a fellow artist who hit the nail on the head regarding being surrounded by negative people.
I have found over the past several weeks that a great many of the people I talk to are very negative. When I am done talking with them I feel as if I've been physically kicked around. My body is sore, I'm exhausted and a great many times I have a headache. I think it's my body's way of telling me what being in such an environment constantly is doing to me in a lovely psychosomatic fashion. It reminds me of when I used to come home from my last place of unemployment and just be exhausted. I would sleep 2 hours, then get up, have dinner, do homework, then go back to bed. It was from dealing with everyone's solid negativity, and when I left that place it felt very freeing. I got a LOT of my energy back.
I find it slipping away from me again, and I have discovered that a lot of times it happens after I've talked with someone who has been complaining. It isn't that simple, though. Because we all complain. Like a sledgehammer, a lot of people in my life keep complaining about every aspect of their life, banging on the same things over and over without moving to fix them. I'm done listening to it. It's become obvious that it's not a priority for them in their own lives since they do nothing but bitch. In which case, it isn't a priority in MY life either, and I am not beholden to listen to it. This is my decision.
I'm making a change this day and in this hour to get rid of the negativity in my life. I have too many things I need to get done, too many plans, to allow my energy to be sucked away by people who continue to hammer on the negativity day in and day out.
Last night I couldn't sleep, so I wandered in to our catch-all room upstairs and sat on the zafu. I managed about 5 minutes where I was just focusing on my breath and my body. I noted when I got up this morning I had a FAR better attitude and a lot more energy. I also know from sitting on the zafu that there's a lot more work to be done in focusing on the breath and clearing the crap out of my body that hurts when I sit. That's all damage that I've allowed to happen from putting myself in situations where it's the only energy I experience. With my shiny new 5 year plan, I'm adding in there that I'm going to start making more positive associations in the future. It's time I started being kind to myself.
In other news, it would appear my house is haunted. It's a smoky grey thing with impeccable loafers, and I suspect it's the "professor" I saw briefly one night leaning around a corner to watch my husband pay the delivery guy for food. He seems to have taken a shine to Daisy, because thus far I've seen him every time I've seen Daisy (or a few seconds after Daisy has passed.) nearby. Although once that was when I was in the bathroom taking a shower, so WOW do I need to talk with it about boundary issues.
It's a bit creepy because it's the first time I've actually ~seen~ a ghost with my own two eyes. I guess it's no worse than hearing something about the weight of a man walk across the upstairs bedroom (which has occurred a few times since we've been in this place) but I guess it's less easy to talk yourself out of seeing something.
it's snowing like crazy out there and has been for about 18 hours now. It only just began to stick in the past 2 hours, so it was a lot of wasted energy honestly. It's been lovely, and I enjoyed walking out in it with the puppy. Nice to see there'll be some ROI for all of this stuff Mother Nature is tossing out there.
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