Sunday, August 31, 2008

Slow and steady? My ass...

So we're hanging around in the living room waiting for dinner to arrive, because we are lazy like that. And we look out and see this large dark object out on the golf course. What on earth?

I'm thinking some golfer lost a shirt or something out there. But then we see part of it move. And I wonder if maybe there's a bird or something out there. Bob says "is that a turtle maybe? Wait, that's too big to be a turtle..."
Well, I figure if it's a bird feeding off a dead animal -which was the theory, because I was of the thought that he was right, it's too damned big to be a turtle- I could scare it by running out on to the golf course. Then we would see it was a raven or a vulture or something.
Then for some reason, because this seems like a good idea, I decide to execute this plan and go shooting out the back door, across the lawn, across the tall grass of the rough and out on to the golf course, waving my arms. Barefoot.
It was not a bird. It was, in fact, a GIGANTIC freakin' turtle that whirled to face me as I came running up at it from the left. Not only a gigantic fucking turtle, but I gigantic freakin' turtle with an abnormally long tail mottled with bumps and spikes.
Now, the last time I saw something that had a tail that looked like that, had a head shaped like that and fit that description, it was an alligator snapping turtle and it was on the Discovery Channel. So...yours truly ran headlong at a snapping turtle. Barefoot.
(It was later confirmed as a Common Snapping Turtle, resident of North American ponds and streams!)
Needless to say, please don't look me up when the zombie apocalypse comes. I will probably think the horde of zombies in the back yard are a flock of crows and run up to them to try and scatter them. Barefoot.
The turtle was covered in mud, so as best as we could decipher he probably crawled out from the pond a few hundred yards away and went exploring, to what end we could not fathom. I ran and got my camera and some shoes and proceeded to take some photographs and a little video.
Wanna know how big this guy was? Here he is about 8 feet from Bob.

Freakin' HUGE. And fast. We got video of it fairly sprinting along the grass. When Bob voiced concern about it being stuck out there, it opted to make both of us look like idiots by hefting itself up and taking off at fast enough pace that we had to fast-walk to keep up with it!
What was neat was the underside of his chin, which was mottled and yellow-brown as if it were tree bark. The legs were marked similarly. You could definitely see how he'd evolved to look like a log just sitting there in the murky water.
As we watched he actually turned quickly to follow a large dragonfly that went zipping past him. The turtle was very alert and aware of his surroundings, and watched me, craning his head to get a better look when I knelt down to get a few shots.
Want to know something funny? He moved so fast he was a blur in most of the images I got.

I can has C++eezberger?

The really bad humor ~may~ stop after I'm done with coding classes. But probably not.

If you get this and you laugh...blessings on you!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Maybe this'll work for me, too...

No longer feeling so bad about struggling to pick up THEIR FOUR DIFFERENT ALPHABETS.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Remember kids, protect your variables.

I'm currently in the midst of FINALLY getting some formal instruction on Object Oriented Programming. here is what I learned in my C++ class this evening.

Global variables are cheating. They are the public lollipop. Everything can take a lick at it. Keep your variables local.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


So back around Thanksgiving I was taking pictures when I stopped to watch the Macy's parade with it's floats.

The following image is the awesomeness that results from perfect timing and a keen eye for irony.

Yes, Hello Kitty. You can play BioShock. We're cool like that.

Probably more to come like this. ^_^

PS - Sasquatch was FAKE. I freakin' knew it. :*( *grumbling* Damnit. Like scientists wouldn't immediately realize a gorilla suit in a fridge when they saw one. ZIPPERS people. Zippers.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Actual Conversation # 22-Wherein pseudo-mathmatical concepts are discussed.

Work has been rather rough with the sudden explosive decompression of personnel otherwise known as a "layoff". So dealing with the influx of tickets has become....challenging.

me: Hehe.... only... *counts* SEVEN hours behind now!
Robert: Nice!
And it's 2pm!
me: Oh wait.
My math sucks
(but we knew this)
FIVE hours behind
Robert: You're improving then!
me: Yeah, I just gained 2 hours. WOOT!
Robert: You are amazing
me: whoosh!
me: Just moved up to 4 hours now. ^_^
Robert: :-)
me: I roxor
And I love you.
And you roxor.
There is a roxii occuring.
Robert: Indeed. We have a roxii!
me: SO much cooler than a loci.
Or a foci
Although...a foci can be involved in a roxii...but only by association.
Robert: True
me: i think it should cry about that.
Robert: Why?
me: I dunno. *laughing*
Robert: You okay?
me: Because it seemed unusual and out of left field to say.
I'm fine, I'm laughing actually.
That's all I meant. :)
Robert: Which I'm prone to say a lot. :-)
me: That's more my idiom.
You're more like
Robert: True
me: at peace.
The world is okay and you give it too much credit.
Nobody has it out for you.
Now sit down and put the fucking frying pan away.
Robert: chuckles
me: Which is awesome.
Robert: Now that sounds like me

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I can has Sasquatch??

It would appear that the corpse of Bigfoot has been discovered in Georgia. They're currently running DNA tests and will hold a press conference about the results on Friday.

Oh wow. Wow, wow, wow!

The part of me that has always loved cryptozoology is sitting here with all fingers and toes crossed praying that it's true and not some stupid hoax. It's been a long time since we've looked at the natural world with curiosity. If this is real, then it might give us that push to start looking at our planet again as something besides a producer of gasoline and cheeseburgers.

C'mon Universe. We can take it. Give us that nudge to seek miracles again....

I can has Sasquatch?

It would appear they found the corpse of a Bigfoot in Georgia.


DNA tests are being run right now and they will make an announcement Friday.

As a former cryptozoology nut, I'm seriously hoping that it's not some idiot's hoax. There isn't enough wonder and unknown left in the world. C'mon universe...let this be the curve ball we need to get curious about things again...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


You know, over the past two weeks I have been Rick-rolled three times. All in totally unexplained places.
The first was up at ConnectiCon. They literally commandeered the PA system and blasted "Never gonna give you up...." out over the entire convenction center. It echoed in the hallways and there was a moment of shocked silence, even in the panel where I was sitting listening to Tim Buckley talk about Ctrl Alt Del.
It happened again at Otakon. There was no way to really escape this time, either. Someone had snuck in a player with speakers and while we sat on the floor enjoying Ramune and French fries, they wandered by blasting it. "...Never gonna let you down..."
Not much you can do at that point but laugh, as we were hungry and they specifically targeted the people eating lunch. It was a stealth mission, and expertly executed.
But this last one is where I really feel completely betrayed. You see, I was expected to be at work early this morning (7 am, to be precise) so that everyone else could attend an all-hands meeting for the company.
I am driving along minding my own business listening to the story of a politician who is using an internet web comic to raise money. He was successful with it, apparently. So successful that his Republican counterpart was stunned with how quickly he got donations.
How wonderful! I thought to myself, someone who understands the interwebs generation and is making good use of it! Someone who realizes that kindred spirits will find and encourage each other amidst the flamewars and lol-speek. Someone who would use internet memes to speak with us and let us know that he understood the culture of the young and still young-ish..... and then.... it happened.
NPR motherfuckin' Rick-rolled us. And by us, I mean EVERYONE who was listening to Morning Edition on NPR while getting dressed, showering ,driving to work... we were all caught up in a radio Rick-roll from which many of us could not escape unless we exited our cars immediately. (Turning off the radio took too much logical thought that early in the morning, you see.)
I must, with all fairness, admit great awe and admiration for NPR in pulling off a completely unexpected rolling like that. The size of the audience probably set a record, as well.
And I am now resigned to knowing that it will just happen. Like getting drunk and surprise cake. It simply ~is~.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Foul Play is Afoot.

Okay. You can shoot me right now for that pun and I would absolutely deserve it. Because I'm going to link the article about the sixth foot-in-sneaker to turn up on the coastline of the Pacific Northwest.

This time it came ashore in Port Angeles and it is on a different side from the others, but a different shoe. So this means there is a sixth individual out there without a foot.
At this point I think it's safe to say that these people are not stumping around on a missing foot. They're dead. I think it's probably a further safe assumption to make that there are other feet floating out there, probably wearing things like loafers, dress shoes, sandals, or what have you. It's only because these were encapsulated in leather with an air cell inside the heels that caused the shoes to float once it became detached.
The reason that I say there must be others is because a trend of disappearing people wearing athletic shoes would be noticed fairly quickly, especially given the steady rate of decomposition. Of course, it's folly to ~assume~ these people were jogging or participating in sports before they were severed from their foot, but that's all we've got to go on.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Somnolent Blessings.

Last night, I slept.
I went to bed at 9:30. By accident. I fell asleep watching Hare and Guu upstairs on the bedroom TV, where I'd been sharing it with Bob. It happened so suddenly that when I woke up at 3 am, I was still in my work clothes. I shucked myself out of them in a stupor and rolled over back to sleep immediately.
It was glorious. I crashed. Just totally crashed. And when I woke up I felt alive, and happy, and able to crack witty jokes. At 6:45 in the morning! Even Bob was surprised.
I shall have to try this sleeping for 8 hours thing more often. I'm in a much better mood and far better able to deal with the crap that is coming my way.

Irony can come at the oddest times....

I've been following the case of the bus murder in Canada where the murderer beheaded and ate parts of his victim. Not out of some gruesome love of death and dismemberment, but to read about the reactions of the populace to it. There is nothing in recent memory that compares to this act, and people continue to be stunned as more details come forth about the incident.

If you're interested in the latest development, it can be read here.

But the part that threw me was in the last two paragraphs of the article.
"Meanwhile, Reuters reports, the Greyhound bus company has been scrambling to remove all traces of an advertising campaign which used the slogan: "There's a reason you've never heard of bus rage."

The campaign was supposed to have ended but a spokeswoman said some billboards had been found still in place."

I laughed. Because it was so startlingly timely.

Something similar happened to me yesterday. I was reading the Philadelphia Inquirer in the break room and it had an article about a murdered swan that had been greatly adored by those who watched him raise families with his mate over 7 years. They say murdered because the swan was beaten to death with a blunt object, probably a boat paddle. And this was done over a dispute with some neighbors across the river on the other side of the Mason-Dixon.
It was a very sad story. The community was really attached to the swan and his mate, and they've got the ASPCA in both states up in arms while the police are investigating. It was a surprising amount of news space given to the death of a bird.
But what got me was the blurb at the bottom. They quoted someone who talked about how animals are not meant to be amusing or abused when humans saw fit.
Then they brought up a recent incident where two drunken individuals had kidnapped an opposum, tied it to the roof of their car, and went driving around with it like that for a few hours.

I died. Just totally lost it. The contrast of drunken stupidity against a deliberate death was just...not even on par. One is a bird that probably died in a lot of pain. The other is a possum that probably walked away with a good story to tell his friends when he got home and calmed his wife down.

On my way back to my seat, I had this phrase echoing in my head that the possum might even say, "Dude, you would not believe what happened to me this evening...."
and I wondered if they went through a drive-thru with him on the roof. That might've at least been slightly clever. Get the poor guy some french fries for his time, you know...

Perhaps I just don't have the proper mindset to be reading these. Perhaps I was supposed to feel great morale outrage over a possum kidnapping. And maybe it's a double standard because it didn't die. But I can't help it. The mental image is too funny.

Friday, August 1, 2008

FYA - a helpdesk ticket

It tells such a beautiful story, even if nobody really explained what was happening directly...

Description of Incident:
On it's own, my laptop just shutdown. I restarted and it shutdown again. right now it's working. I'm not sure if I should be concerned.
I don't want to lose the hard drive.

Incident Resolution:
Ben Oven went braindead for a little while and was accidentally logging off the user Drooker off of weswt-drooker instead of Drooker2 off of weswt-drooker2... issue resolved (i drank a redbull)

Ben was remoting in to her desktop by accident and closing her out.
This is a direct transcription of the trouble ticket.