Monday, January 28, 2013

Final Dumb - the Un-Dumbening

Visit with the neurologist this morning, who was probably the nicest guy I have come across in the medical profession i ages. He asked me questions, and at one point I do believe I saw a look of genuine concern in his eyes. He reminded me of a grandfather.
He said the most beautiful words ever, too... "This can all be fixed." He prescribed 5 days worth of prednisone and told me that I would be back to normal once done. I almost cried, actually.
All that's left now is to schedule the MRI (and that can't happen until I'm sure I'm not pregnant... Did I mention we've been trying to get pregnant.) and verify that I didn't have a stroke. Apparently my left side didn't respond when he did nerve testing, which concerned him a bit, but we'll clear that all up.
Besides, if I managed to give myself a stroke at 34, that's pretty much the height of stupidity I'd have to just hang it up right then and there.
I've already taken the first prednisone, and it is working because the world is no longer ear-raping me with every mildly loud sound. Even better? 5 minutes ago I tasted chocolate for the first time in a week. Even better than that? A coworker smiled and said I must be doing better because I was laughing again. I hadn't realized I wasn't.
This is amazing. It's all righting itself so quickly, I no longer feel like a husk. I'm looking forward to tasting coffee again like you wouldn't believe.
At times I wonder if there is any way for me to be more grateful for what I have. As scary as this whole thing was, I now have an amazing sense of gratitude for things I have taken for granted and even swore at all of my life. So what if I'm over sensitive to touch? It is far, far worse to not be able to feel your loved one touching your back or your arm. As far as food, I now understand just how much taste and smell are tied in to memories, and that when we eat food we are recalling every association we had with it, we aren't just consuming it. Rice without flavor and without the comforting associations is just weird and nearly unnerving to consume. Tea without smell is just liquid. Not even water, because water has a flavor.
I am now so very grateful for everything that my body can do and sense.... I needed this. Maybe I even needed to be terrified that it might not come back. As it stands, this incident has left me with a renewed appreciation for what it takes to interact with the world, and how fragile and barely balanced our systems can be.

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