Thursday, July 9, 2009

Actual Conversation # 70 - No New Toys for Hollywood, and a small rant.

gru: Baby?
I just read they're making a "animated/live action" movie for the Smurfs. I might have to leave the planet now.
me: Oh fuck me.
gru: Yeah....
me: We will die together. I swear this.
It will be my blade the fells your soul.
gru: sighs We could have such a good, long life together.
me: Maybe... if we went somewhere Hollywood didn't reach. A land beyond, without media. Without stupidity.
gru: I know not of such a place...we may have to invent our own.
me: I bet I could dig a hole in Minnesota and get most of the same affect.
gru: True...but that gets cold, but it might be worth it.
me: anything would be worth a Smurf-free life with you, my darling...

I mean... seriously. You bastards have destroyed Indiana Jones, Transformers and soon enough, G.I. Joe. Just go rape Tron and The Last Starfighter, remake Wargames with Shia Le Beouf, and cast Alan Rickman as Gargamel. Do it. Just get it over with so we can start a cultural revolution over your stupid need to touch our childhood favorites in their naughty spots for the purpose of making a dollar. And when you're done, remake My Little Ponies, but put an animal cruelty spin on it somehow and have Megan Fox be in it so dads don't mind dragging their impressionable daughters to it and giving them body issues early on. I DARE YOU.
That being said, I'm still waiting for emails from investors for Average Joe Media. The state of our visual entertainment has gotten so old it can't even be considered fine wine anymore; the days of my beloved silver screen and the story for the sake of the story are dead. Dead and returned to dust, not even to be raised as a zombie in a bad late-night B-movie at the drive in. I weep. :'(

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